Thursday, October 1, 2009

Short Reviews for 2009 Horror Films

Here are some of the highlights of the mid-2009 horror DVD releases:

Trick R Treat- An anthology of four interwoven horror stories takes place on Halloween night. The film was originally slated for theatrical release in October 2007, but since movie studios are run by retarded shitheads, it is now being released direct to DVD on October 6, 2009. This movie gave me a nice warm feeling inside. Five stars.

Drag Me To Hell- The best horror film that was in theaters this year, and the best movie that Sam Raimi has made since the Evil Dead series. This film has something for everyone.

Pig Hunt- Great, great fun dealing with a group of kids who go wild boar hunting in Northern California. Meth-snorting rednecks, pot growing lesbian hippies, and a 3,000 pound monster wild boar make for a wild ride. Les Claypool does the soundtrack! So incredibly awesome!

Dead Snow- A group of typical teen horror movie characters go up to a ski lodge way up in a Norwegian glacier and encounter Nazi zombies! During WWII Nazis occupied areas of Norway, and a handful were left behind as zombie to punish the Norwegian villagers who resisted them. There is loads and loads of gore in this one, and pacing is a mile a minute. Available in Norwegian with subtitles or dubbed in English.

Histeria- This weird slasher-type film from Malaysia takes place at a muslim girls school and features a demonic monster and lots of gore. A great choice if you want to see something different, like a Malaysian horror film.

It's Alive- The remake of the 1970s horror film was tame and really dumb. Total waste of time. One or two good scenes, but mostly a waste of time.

The Hills Run Red- Direct to DVD slasher-in-the-woods movie, with a movie-within-a-movie, and a few good parts. This is a decent time-waster if you have already seen some of the better stuff. Gory with lots of nudity.

End of the Line- Canadian supernatural horror takes place entirely on the subway. A doomsday religious cult kills people and at the same time a bunch of demons show up. Great underground cinematography. Recommended.

Header- An awesome piece of hillbilly exploitation trash. If you like disgusting humor, this bud's for you. Made in 2006 but not released until this past summer on DVD from Synapse. Header attempts to create it’s own little world of revenge tradition. The film starts with a big goofy goober coming home after a long stint in prison to his Grandpa, a wheelchair-bound dirty old man who lives in a cabin in rural Appalachia. The two embark on their age-old tradition of having a “Header,” their slang for abducting a person, drilling a hole in their head, and skull fucking them. Classy stuff. Anyway, if you enjoy endless amounts of profane dialog and redneck jokes, as well as some extreme gore, you will enjoy this one. Cannes film festival anyone?

The Skeleton Crew- This film is from Finland, and is another "self-aware" horror film about some people making a horror movie. It's okay, but it's great that Scandinavia has started cranking out horror films. Filmed entirely in English. Worth checking out.

Rovdyr (Norway)- AKA Backwoods, AKA Predator- A typical Deliverance-style backwoods slasher film with some city slicker kids running afoul of the local inbred hillbillies. Except it’s in Norway. I loved this one. The violence was cruel and gory, and it clocks in at a tight 70 minutes, so there was never a dull moment. I think shorter is better when it comes to low budget slasher movies because unless the film has a really high body count, the filmmaker has to be good at stuff like humor, character development, and other stuff that most horror filmmakers aren’t good at

Train- Supposedly the movie was originally going to be a remake of Terror Train (1981) but I guess David Copperfield wasn't available for another cameo, so it morphed into it's own project. The result is a tasteless, retarded cliche that is basically a blow for blow remake of Hostel taking place on a train ride across Russia. There's lots of gore but the film is so bland it is a total waste.